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Quotes of the Day

guys are way hotter when... they play an instrument (particularly guitar or keyboard) they smile a lot they are modest they laugh at your lamest jokes they have awesome hair they have either green or blue eyes
like if you agree :)

Little Boy: Mom, why is her name Rosie?
Mom: Because her mom likes roses.
Little Boy: Mom, what do you like?
Mom: Stop asking questions Dicky

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I finally had the nerve to text my ex...
here is the convo:
me: hey
him: who is this
me: lauren
him: lauren who
me: ...wow
him: whats ur last name??
LIKE THIS IF YOU THINK THIS GUY IS AN ASS HOLE

Girls get cramps, bloating and irritability.
Guys should get a good strong kick in the balls once a month.
Like if you agree

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

*Ex bf && gf run into each other*
Boy: Hey, I miss you.
Girl:*sneezes*
Boy: Bless you, are you sick?
Girl: No, I'm just allergic to bulls**t

According to parents we're too young for love, too old for fun, too smart to play dumb and too immature for grown up conversations. Its no wonder teens are so rebellious! There's nothing else to do!

Today I tried to prank Call Dominos Pizza, the conversation went like this: Me: "Is this the Krusty Krab?" the Cashier responded "No, this is Patrick." MADE. MY. LIFE.

Boy: imma go to sleep.
Girl: ok
Boy: i love you
Girl: i love you too bye
*hangs up*
...Girl sends text to boy saying "i dont want you to go"
Girl's phone rings
Girl: hello?
Boy: i decided you were more important than sleep :)

So today at school..
We had a special visitor. He asked the audience, "If you could choose between either having the super power to fly or to be invisible what would you choose?"
About six people rose their hands to answer his question.
He called on this one girl sitting in the back, she was very shy. I almost never heard her talk to anyone.
She stood up and her exact words were-
"I would choose to have the ability to fly because you don't need a super power to be invisible."

Boy:you cant fool me
girl:okay, spell toast
boy:t-o-a-s-t
girl:say it 5 times
boy:toast,toast,toast,toast,toast
girl:say it another 3 times
boy:toast,toast,toast
girl:okay... what do you put in a toaster?
boy:toast
girl:really? i put in bread :D

British:
'Ello beautiful. How are you my love?
Australian:
G'day mate!
Canadian:
Eh?
American:
Aye shawty, whaddup?

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